Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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