Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT