Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.

(303): View more from Colorado

She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye

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(303): You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake. (303): She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye http://tfl.nu/k1ky

Replies (4) Good night (1256) Bad night (482)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis

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(781): Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis http://tfl.nu/4nxt

Replies (22) Good night (3798) Bad night (645)
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(914): View more from New York

My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.

(845): View more from New York

She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?

(914): View more from New York

well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey

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(914): My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener. (845): She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn? (914): well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey http://tfl.nu/elol

Replies (49) Good night (6012) Bad night (843)
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(360): View more from Washington

Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.

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(360): Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall. http://tfl.nu/7ndl

Replies (3) Good night (3461) Bad night (1298)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket

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(919): and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket http://tfl.nu/744s

Replies (2) Good night (3273) Bad night (1335)
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(205): View more from Alabama

I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.

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(205): I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that. http://tfl.nu/zu4z

Replies (9) Good night (1070) Bad night (2350)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??

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(405): This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine?? http://tfl.nu/98s1

Replies (6) Good night (2306) Bad night (991)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.

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(908): The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one. http://tfl.nu/8bgn

Replies (3) Good night (2987) Bad night (1034)
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(772): View more from Florida

Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.

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(772): Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication. http://tfl.nu/cb9g

Replies (9) Good night (1946) Bad night (574)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.

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(931): Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this. http://tfl.nu/inch

Replies (8) Good night (4175) Bad night (743)
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(226): View more from Ontario

Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?

(226): View more from Ontario

Don't answer that. It is bad.

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(226): Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice? (226): Don't answer that. It is bad. http://tfl.nu/e65p

Replies (5) Good night (1195) Bad night (753)
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(573): View more from Missouri

I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.

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(573): I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING. http://tfl.nu/4gcc

Replies (6) Good night (875) Bad night (425)
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(818): View more from California

Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.

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(818): Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree. http://tfl.nu/znv5

Replies (2) Good night (375) Bad night (709)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?

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(320): How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash? http://tfl.nu/c8co

Replies (12) Good night (586) Bad night (222)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.

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(215): i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass. http://tfl.nu/9tw7

Replies (7) Good night (574) Bad night (212)

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