nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off