am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.