On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
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still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
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How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?