Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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