Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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