you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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