dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize