So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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