It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
