If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have fence marks all over my body
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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