I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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