one two three fourrrrnication!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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