you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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