also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
