once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He passed out mid-signature
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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