All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
