My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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