well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
