you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
