My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
