It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
