I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
that may or may not have been my penis.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
