There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
