I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
