before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
