so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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