Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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