There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
