it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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