I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
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hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
