Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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