He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
