im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
