at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
