shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize