he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
