hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
