hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
