Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You pole danced in your parka.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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