What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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