yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
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If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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