You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
