eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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