I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
