dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
