Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
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You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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