She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
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No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
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No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You are the jesus of drinking
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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