So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
