if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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