Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
