thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
