I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
