"it" just moved
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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