She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
