my phone needs a breathalizer
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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