Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
