Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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