Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
