Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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