me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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