you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
