help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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