She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You're like the curious george of whores
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
