Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You don't make any sense
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