I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
