Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
