Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
