the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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