I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
