woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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