Just cropdusted the office
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
