drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
