I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
