Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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