Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
